From an early age, negative beliefs can take root, lying dormant until just the right conditions allow them to flourish. These beliefs can often lead to self-destructive thought patterns. While we may never completely silence these thoughts, we can learn to navigate them with a neutral, mindful approach—one that doesn’t fuel the noise but observes it with curiosity and non-attachment.

Recognizing the Inner Critic

Negative self-talk is something nearly all of us face at some point in our lives. For me, my inner critic tends to show up when I’ve consumed too much negativity—especially after spending too much time on social media. This often triggers fear and anxiety, leading to a spiral of thoughts that erode my confidence and leave me paralyzed by self-doubt.

If this resonates with you, you're not alone. In fact, most of our thoughts lean negative, a tendency that evolved as a survival mechanism to help early humans stay alert to threats. However, in modern life, this instinct can manifest as unhelpful self-critical thinking.

We all have an inner critic—call it that voice of doubt that becomes louder the closer we get to achieving our goals. For example, when you’re contemplating raising your prices, that voice might say:

“Do you think your business is ready for that?”
“What will your clients say?”
“Other stylists don’t charge that much, and they’ve been doing it longer.”

Sound familiar?

Neutral Observation Over Engagement

Rather than battling the inner critic or fully embracing it, I’ve found value in stepping back and observing it without judgment. Through guided meditation with the app, Headspace, when my inner critic (Janet) speaks up, I try to notice it as I would notice passing clouds in the sky. Recognize its presence without giving it too much weight.

Here’s a simple practice that has worked for me:

Pause and Breathe: When a critical thought arises, take a few deep breaths.
Acknowledge the Thought: Simply note, Ah, there’s that voice again.
Label It: I sometimes say to myself, Thinking, or feeling.
Let It Pass: Then, I return my focus to the present moment without further engagement.

This approach helps maintain clarity and keeps me from being swept up in the critic’s narrative.

Understanding the Root of the Inner Critic

At its core, your inner critic often stems from fear, trying to protect you from discomfort, failure, or even success. By approaching it with curiosity and compassion, rather than judgment, I’ve uncovered insights into what’s driving it.

A Writing Exercise for Insight

Writing is one of my go-to tools for processing thoughts. One practice that’s been transformative is having a dialogue with my inner critic.

Think of your inner critic as a challenging customer and give it a name. I call mine “Janet,” after a client who provided me with plenty of opportunities for personal growth. Here’s how I deal with Janet when she shows up:

Acknowledge the Concern: Remember, you’re on the same team. Acknowledge your inner critic’s concerns and reassure it that everything will be okay.
Write a Letter: This technique is something I learned at the Salon Business Conference and I highly recommend Amber Rae’s book Choose Wonder Over Worry. Don’t try to control your thoughts. Instead, use the opportunity to gain clarity and curiosity to understand the source of your emotions.

For example, your letter might go like this:

Dear Janet,
Thanks for expressing concern about my decision to raise our prices. What’s on your mind?
Janet: I’m worried about what your clients will think and if they’ll leave you because you’re charging more than other stylists.
Me: That’s a valid concern. Here’s why there’s no need to worry: We’re currently booked at 85% capacity and have more clients than we can handle. We’ve invested in education to offer more value, and while we may lose a few clients, we’ll gain more who appreciate that value.

By confronting your concerns with facts, you feel more empowered to embrace your decisions, and any future doubts can be addressed with the same clarity.

Have Fun With It: Maybe it sounds a bit crazy, but a little “crazy” is often necessary to thrive as a small business owner! Sometimes, I shout “Dammit Janet!” on the way to work, and you know what? It helps.

Put It into Practice

Name Your Inner Critic: Give it a name and distinct characteristics. The more creative you get, the less power your fears will have.
Identify a Decision: What big decision are you avoiding because of the inner critic?
Explore Your Emotions: What emotions are arising?
Write a Letter: Write to your inner critic and explore its concerns.
Reflect: How do you feel after addressing the critic?

By befriending your inner critic, you transform it into a guide rather than an obstacle, paving the way for personal growth and authentic leadership.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism and Comparisons

Striving for perfection, comparing yourself to others, or feeling like an imposter can fuel negative thought patterns. Here’s how I’ve learned to reframe these challenges:

Perfectionism: Instead of aiming for perfection, I focus on progress. Celebrating the journey, not just the destination, has been freeing.
Comparison: Social media often showcases curated versions of life. Stepping back and reminding myself that everyone’s path is unique helps keep perspective.
Imposter Syndrome: I remind myself that feeling uncertain is often a sign I’m growing. Learning moments are part of evolution.

Practical Steps for Self-Compassion

Let’s commit to practicing grace and self-compassion when these feelings arise. I, too, have struggled with this. As an empath, I’ve often wondered why it’s easier to offer compassion to others than to myself. The truth is, cultivating self-love is a conscious, ongoing effort.

When we’re young, we’re often conditioned to seek validation from others—whether parents, teachers, or peers. Love and approval are frequently tied to our achievements, reinforcing the belief that our worth is based on what we do. But we can break this cycle.

Become Your Biggest Cheerleader

As a leader, you’re probably great at recognizing and praising the hard work of others. But do you extend that same kindness to yourself?

One day, a client mistook me for an employee while I was managing the salon’s many tasks. He praised my “excellent work ethic,” and it struck me: I’d never acknowledged how much I was doing each day. I had been feeling underappreciated, yet I was the one failing to appreciate myself.

Being proud of your own work—especially in your own business—can feel strange, but it’s essential. This act of self-love strengthens your confidence and rejuvenates your energy.

Practicing Self-Praise and Compassion

If you struggle to accept compliments or praise yourself, don’t worry—it’s a skill that takes time.

Here are a few ways to practice:

Reframe Your Perspective: Ask yourself, “What would I say to a colleague or loved one who accomplished what I did today?” Then, offer yourself the same encouragement.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge even the small, daily tasks that contribute to your progress.
Break Free from Comparisons: Social media can push unrealistic images of success. Schedule posts in advance and limit your scrolling time.
Check Yourself: Notice when negative thoughts arise and step away from sources of negativity to reconnect with joy in simple activities.
Meditate for Self-Compassion: Platforms like Headspace offer guided meditations to help cultivate compassion for yourself and others.

Transforming Negative Thoughts

In Choose Wonder Over Worry, Amber Rae encourages us to engage directly with our emotions instead of suppressing them. When anxiety arises, she suggests asking, “What do you want me to know?” This approach allows us to see emotions as messengers, not adversaries.

Similarly, writing letters to your inner critic helps externalize and process those feelings, leading to greater self-awareness.

Radical Self-Love and Leadership

Sonya Renee Taylor, in The Body Is Not an Apology, defines radical self-love as recognizing that we are inherently worthy and enough, just as we are. This awareness of our worth, flaws and all, allows us to lead others more authentically.

A New Narrative for Growth

By observing your inner critic without judgment, you create space for growth. You don’t have to engage in a battle or seek its friendship—simply acknowledge it as part of your inner landscape.

Continuing to practice neutral observation and self-compassion and your path toward personal and professional growth will become clearer. I’m learning to lead myself and others with authenticity and grace, embracing each step of the journey with courage and curiosity.

Understanding Your Inner Critic: A Path to Self-Compassion